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Journal

Friday 9.19.2014

I am glad it is Friday.

This week we had our very first rain after going through most of the year without even a dark cloud.  I was sitting outside on an unusually warm Wednesday night when the wind picked up, clouds rolled in and it reminded me of what happens back in Columbus, Ohio right before a storm.  Since we haven’t had rain in what seems like eons the change seemed almost magical to me and brought back great memories.  I must have sat out on the patio for about an hour just appreciating the very rare warm temperature, the wind rustling through the trees and actual clouds, instead of the usual fog.  As I figured out later, the weather pattern was due to Hurricane Odile down south and we were just getting a few remnants.  

It was fitting for the weather to have a drastic change this week.  At work change is also happening which is not unusual as I’ve learned these past 8 years.  Whenever there is a shift in management there are shifts in everything else and it is not a bad idea to keep the resume continually updated.  In my experience the bosses change roughly every year.  I’ve been back in the USA for 8 years and I’ve had 8 different bosses!  

When the change happens I do get quite a bit of anxiety as changes like these can change employees lives pretty rapidly as well.  So far it looks like it will be a pretty smooth transition and not too much disruption as it is internal movement and the person already has a well established reputation.  If it had been someone from the outside however, that would be cause for concern because they always have to prove themselves and proving yourself in corporate land means making a bunch of changes.  A new person cannot simply come in and say “everything is working quite well, I’ll leave it all alone!”  No, no no.  New people must change things to show they are actually doing something and it is a tossup whether it will be for better or worse.  

Due to the anxiety of the change and other business related matters I have to say I am glad it is Friday and the outcome from all the movement seems to be positive so my mood has also moved in a positive direction.  

It is interesting how my mood swings when there a big change arrives.  I’m coasting along feeling content until the big change is announced.  My mood takes a nosedive and my anxiety spikes for a couple of days.  As I digest the new information my mood then greatly improves, anxiety dives and I become quite energetic.  It is almost as though I become mentally stronger.  It is good if the changes work out but if not it will simply lead to new adventures and I’m confident I could actually improve my job situation if I desired and so I become unafraid of the unexpected changes which may or may not occur.  

In any case, I’m happy it is Friday, I’m feeling very good and my thoughts have me excited as though I’m awaking from a slumber and mentally preparing for an even brighter future.  

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Journal

Fire in the fire TV

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Magical moment – Sitting in the lazyboy rocking the baby to sleep listening to the breeze gently blow through the trees and a fire in the TV on a warm September night.

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Journal

L'automne est arrivé

I have always loved the autumn season.  The temperature cools, the leaves change color and a new chapter opens.

The year begins with a rebirth of sorts, recognized by a litany of New Year’s pledges and the excitement of having passed midway through the ice and chill of winter.  Before long the grass starts to grow, the flowers begin to bloom and the world is again alive with color.  Soon after, we become accustomed to warm days, water parks and cookouts on the patio.  Summer is a fickle fille de joie, she comes quickly, almost unexpectedly and entices us with trips to the beach, days at the pool and for the young, an end to school.  In this reverie, we lose track of time and are jolted awake by the start of school, the first chilly winds and the quickening pace of the falling leaves.  Summer has left us without even a note, let alone a fond farewell.  

It is the autumn season I find the most profound.  Unlike the carefree and thoughtless days of summer, autumn is a time for reflection.  The children are made back to their studies and briefly forgotten routines reestablished.  The young find themselves in a grade one more advanced and adults note that the year has progressed much too fast; it is life that has progressed much too fast.

One more year, almost over.  Were the pledges made at the beginning kept?  Did the year turn out to be prosperous or is it one we would rather see quickly fade away?  In autumn the year has formed its character, its personality has been established and there is nothing left but for these traits to crystallize into the ice of winter.

Transition always brings with it a degree of excitement.  We quickly forget the decadent days of summer, replacing them with the excited anticipation of the holiday season.  Halloween is on the distant horizon!  It too comes quickly, like a ghoul in the night that soon will be pounding on our door in the forms of witches, superheros and vampires demanding sweetened sustenance.

It is a contemplative experience to sit on the porch swing in the cool air and listen to the rustle of the fallen leaves.  Life is to be savored and the bouquet of autumn is elegant indeed.

31 10 2013 - 1

 

 

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Journal

Living a magical life

As I get older and more set into my routines I find that life loses a little bit of luster.  New experiences become less frequent and the activities I’m used to become a little less enjoyable.  

Then I look at my son and see how he is excited about pretty much everything.  Everything is new to him and his curiosity is limitless.  Couple that with Lapham’s Quarterly which current theme is Youth, I find this realization of mine is not unique and has occurred through time and cultures.  

In fact, I’ve touched on this topic before in a post two years ago “Importance of an Open Mind” I realized that it is possible to see the world with “new eyes” and the magic and excitement will come rushing back.  But, without practice it is easy to let the magic slip away and revert back into that mainstream current in which most adults find themselves: bored, going through the motions, sleepwalking.  

This morning, I’m reminded that I do need to work on my own thought processes and bring back that magic.  So, I took a walk in the garden and looked at some of the most beautiful flowers that have just started to bloom.  It had been a while since I took time to really look at them and appreciate the beauty they bring to the garden.  I also took time to see the flowers that rarely get much appreciation such as those yellow flowers that spring from my pumpkin plants and only last one day.  

To really think about it a flower is a most extraordinary thing!  It starts as a seed in the earth and under the right conditions begins to grow.  This tiny plant pushes its way through the tough earth and over time becomes a beautiful, soft object, exploding with color and meticulous in design.  The pumpkin flower graces us with a one day only show, it is best we pay attention!  Then my thoughts to the nature of reality and I wonder about the intelligence/being that designed such a beautiful object.  I’m like the child that never stops asking why.  When one can deeply contemplate the nature of reality life the realization that life and our own consciousness in the most incredible, wondrous thing one has ever experienced!  No longer would one need some particular stimuli to get high, once the miracle of being alive is realized and understood then simply existing should astound one with wonder and amazement.  

I find that religion has robbed a vast amount of humanity of this wonder.  Religion attempts to provide answers for existence and people puff up their chest and parrot these answers simply because it is what they have been told and what those around them also believe.  Often the religious can and do become ecstatic when they deeply contemplate reality and the entirety of existence but they remain within the safety net of their respective beliefs.  

It is much more incredible to contemplate this existence when one realizes that religion is simply a man made attempt to explain the explainable and that we do not know the answer.  It only follows that any theory or belief could be just as probable as any other.  To put more ‘faith’ in one answer over any other is nothing more than arrogance.  

 

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Journal Pacifica

Hummingbird

As I was watering a plant in the garden a humming bird came and started to drink. I remained still and kept the water pouring at a steady slow stream. The humming bird then landed and took a shower. He then left and right after his magnificent friend came for a drink and a shower. The lesson here should serve as a reminder that nature is beautiful and magical and it is best to try and see it with the wonder that children do. But no, the lesson is to never water your plants without your cell phone because you never know when an amazing picture will present itself. — feeling annoyed.