E-mail to Ryan / HS Humor

E-mail is a lost art. We don’t send them anymore and even when we did, most people weren’t very good at personal e-mails and could only manage one or two sentences in my experience.  I’d certainly like to save a lot of my old e-mails and post them publicly or privately on this blog as I take the time to try and write my friends something interesting.  So, in order as an impetus to get me started on this project, here is my latest e-mail to a friend that I just sent today!  Like me, he speaks other languages, has traveled the world.  He works for the US government doing all kinds of interesting things and I thought it would be fun to send him a link to the Soviet National Anthem.  His response was a once sentence question and contained the mother of all bad words.  So here is my response.
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It is the Soviet National Anthem. 
 
Now when people ask me if I’ve ever sent the Soviet National Anthem to a US government agent I can say, well yes, yes I have!  Cross that one off the bucket list; it required a lot of wine to be able to gather the courage! 
 
So how are things?  I saw on the FB that you were in town for one of your buddy’s wedding.  All your friends are eventually dropping off and soon only you and B will be left.  So how is the Korean chick from New York you’ve been putting off?  I’m still rooting for the Japanese girl, I’m telling you Japanese are the way to go!  Listen to your good pal Mateo on this. 
 
Life goes on here.  My 2nd son R was born about three months ago and my free time evaporated completely.  One child isn’t too difficult but now with two I rarely can even find the time to take a dump in peace.  K usually comes in to see what I’m up to and I really don’t need an audience. 
 
Well, keep in touch and I’d appreciate a reply that is more than one sentence.  And if it is one sentence I hope it would be more than five words and preferably without profanity. 
 
I imagine you’re still in DC, or maybe you got sent back since the whole Middle East went back to shit? 
 
Finally, since you didn’t appreciate the glorious Soviet National Anthem, perhaps you would prefer the latest cultural masterpiece from the US of A!   Here  you go, and I hope it brings a tear to your eye. 

 
魔手
 
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About the video, I just discovered it a few days ago while on the elliptical.  I fought so hard to stifle the laughter that tears came out of my eyes.  During the second part of the video I had to turn it off because I was going to explode from trying to hold it in.  
 
It is so juvenile but at my age which is 37, I find that “high school humor” such as fart, jokes and such, is an art in itself and merits serious anthropological study.  
 
Having said that, I can see some middle aged bleached blond soccer mom yell “grow up!!!”  Well, having been lucky enough to have had a vast array of incredible international experiences in my life I can confidently say that the things middle aged, bleached blond soccer moms concern themselves with does not an adult make.  Desperate housewives anyone?  
 
Fart jokes are funny.  Farts are a natural human occurrence and one may be subject to unhealthful side effects from holding them in; read the scientific proof here, Facts on Farts.  They are funny because socially we are not supposed to let them go in public, yet the come unexpectedly and often with such force that we have no other option but to either let them go or exert a lot of pressure to try keeping them in which again, may be unhealthful.  So when we let one go in the presence of others, it is embarrassing for the person who let it go and thus instant LULZ are suddenly created in the Internet parlance.  Lulz = fun, laughter, or amusement, especially that derived at another’s expense. 
 
So in reference to the video above, a video that celebrates flatulence so overtly when the prudes and prigs of our society forbid it is, in fact, extremely funny.  Those that do not find it funny perhaps have been holding their farts in for much much too long.  To those poor souls I say…….
 
Let-it-Go_0

E-mail about to host about Movabletype

Hello,
 
I’m trying to install Movabletype on my website at “worldhomepages.com” but I’m having some trouble.  I’m pretty much an amature at this and have read the directions on your website and in movable type but am still having trouble.  Everytime I try to access my .cgi files I keep getting the message “page not found error 404.”  Can you please tell me why I’m getting this error message and more detailed instructions on how to install movabletype on your server?  “
 
I just wanted to let you know that I am uploading my files ASCII and that is not the problem. 

E-mail to Sophie 9.19.2004

Hello Sophie!

Nice to hear from you.  Congratulations with your new job, I hope it goes
well and that you enjoy it.

As for me, I’m still living in Japan but am moving to Vietnam October 1st.
I find the business environment much better there and hope to obtain a job
in importing, exporting or consulting there.  I traveled to Vietnam last
March with a friend and found that I truly loved the place.  I feel it will
give me more of a chance to develop and learn another language.  Aussi, il
y’a bcp des gens qui comprennent le francais depuis comme tu sais, Vietnam
c’etait une colonie francais.  I also have some Vietnamese friends who will
help me to adjust to the new environment.  I’m a little nervous to be
leaving the comforts of Tokyo however…..

E-mail to Mark 9.16.2004 – Vietnam Visa

Hello Mark,

Thanks a million.  I owe you an enormous debt of gratitude!!  I was
completely shocked when they told me that I needed special permission to get
a visa and so were the other 10 or so people waiting to get a visa.  They
didn’t even post it on their website!  I also called the embassy in
Australia and they told me they could help me get special permission if I
came to the embassy in Australia!  I don’t understand why the guy at the
embassy here is so extremely unhelpful.  I get the feeling he hates his job
and living in Tokyo.  He was also 15 minutes late in opening the embassy
which is unheard of for Japanese people.

E-mail to Phuong 9.11.2004

Hello Phuong,
 
I’m preparing to leave Tokyo and I’m getting rid of all my things.  It is a little sad to leave Tokyo but I am getting excited about coming to Vietnam.  I’m sure I will have a better life there. 
 
Of course I don’t want to live in Hanoi, so I won’t accept any jobs there.  I have one interview at a consulting company in Saigon and they told me to come when I arrive in HCMC.  So I will go there on October 3rd for an interview.  I have also made contact with a few English teaching schools although I hope to find a business job soon and not have to teach English. 
 
I’ll arrive in HCMC on October 2nd at 10:00am on flight 750.  So I think I should be outside of the airport at about 10:15am. 
 
I’m happy for you that you will go to America and see Axel!  I’m sure that you will have a lot of fun and please say hello to Lizard for me!!!
 
See you soon and have fun in America!
 
M
 
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Hey M,
 
How are you? I got your email last weel. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. Have you prepared everything to leave Japan yet? Are you sad to leave Japan? Don’t be sad I think you will be happier in Vietnam.
 
Have you found work in Saigon yet? Axel said you only could find jobs in Hanoi but you don’t want to stay there. right? If you haven’t found work before you leave Japan, don’t worry, still come to Vietnam and I will help you find a job here.
 
I will go to America on the 15th of September and come back on the 1st of October. I will meet you at the airport on Octorber 2nd. Let me know your flight details so I can pick you up at the airport.
 
I will go to America to meet my goods friends there and Axel. I am sure that We will meet in Viet Nam on Octorber 2nd.
 
It is now 11:25pm on Tusday, I just came back home. I go to bed now. Have a good sleep tonight.
 
Take care!
Phuong