Journal Entry – 4.2.1999

Well Tory did end up calling and everything is well.  In fact she is on her way over.  I had a good week at school and working out and I feel great.  I’m excited about going out tonight.  If you go out too much it becomes a job and isn’t that fun.  But I’ve been a good boy all week and am so ready for some fun.  We had a good week of weather and it looks like spring is finally here.  I really love good weather, it just puts me in a great mood.  Life is wonderful.

Journal Entry – 3.8.1999

I had a great weekend.  Tory came down to visit me.  I had been preparing for her visit since the Friday before.  I had soo much homework to get done and did it all.  Now the weekend is over and I have my final paper to write for Int. Studies which is going to be rough.  Also I have a ton of accounting to get done.  That class makes me nervous.  Anyway back to the weekend.  I am in love with Tory.  She is without a doubt the greatest girl I have ever known.  She in now my girlfriend.  It still hasn’t sunk in yet.  I’ve been single for so long so I’m still waiting for the big emotions to hit.  The weekend went by too fast.  On Thursday night we went to BW3’s on campus and met up with Glenda and Tate.  Then we went to Zigs. 

I ran into Laurel there and I went to do the right thing and say Hi but she kinda blew me off. I caught her looking at me though and when we left she and another girl were with all over this one guy.  I didn’t even recognize her there.  I just walked right on by.  I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.  Besides I’m happy now and she can’t give me anymore complexes.  Tory is incredible.  I feel kinda weird from the weekend seeing as I got out of my study and workout mode and did nothing but drink.  Friday night we went to Byrne’s pub but I didn’t know anyone so we went to campus.  Nothing was happening there either so we went to Shooters and had a blast.  Saturday was Gail’s wedding and that was so much fun.  We got a little drunk at the reception then went to Bw3’s on Bethel and met up with Glenda and her relatives there.  We also saw two movies this weekend, “Cruel Intentions” which was awesome and “200 cigarettes” which sucked.  I miss Tory so much already.  It’s going to be a challenge for me when she goes to Florida to see her ex.  I know she would do nothing to hurt me but she told me before we became “official” that hooking up with him was inevitable.  I don’t think that’s the case anymore but it still makes me nervous since I haven’t fallen for a girl like this since Nyla.  I am afraid of getting hurt.  I love her so much.

Journal Entry – 3.1.1999

So here I sit, wondering where my life will go next.  College is and has gone by so fast.  I just got off the phone with Amanda and I miss all my friends.  Things have changed so much.  I usually am alone now, my friends from HS have gotten girlfriends and basically have a different life than I do.  I went on to college they did not. 

Not that one is better than the other but we live in two different worlds.  Going to Spain I lost a lot of connection with the frat.  Not that I was really involved in the first place but now things are so different.  My only solace is my computer to keep in touch with everyone I’ve met.  I am alone.  Where will my life go next?  It’s amazing how you can just stop and think how your life is so different than it once was.  It’s like a book and every phase is a chapter.  This is only a chapter that is subject to change with each passing day. 

Where am I going, what will happen to me tomorrow?  So many unknowns, so many fears and hopes.  So I end this entry not knowing what will happen tomorrow and how it will affect my life.  I’ve been through so much but still have the rest of my life to go.  One thing I fear the most is going through life like a zombie, not taking time to stop and reflect on who I am, what I am doing, what it all means.  Am I merely a speck of sand on an ever changing beach, or am I part of something more that I will only discover when I pass on to the next life.  Is there a next life or will I cease to be once I take my last breath.  To not ask these questions is to be a robot only going through the motions of life.  I guess the answer is to make the best of what I have right now. 

But will I fail?  Will I become the guy who sits in his cubical doing monotanous tasks or will I ever be able to make a difference.  Do I have the strength to make my mark in the world?  Do I have the luck? I am going to bed only to awake to a new day, to repeat the same motions, but to live life to the fullest.  To make the most of what we have is all we can do.   

Journal Entry – 2.15.1999

I am pumped up.  I just checked my score on my accounting midterm and I got a 22 out of 40 which isn’t that bad.  I’m still in the ballgame!!  Nothing is going to stop me now.  I am going to pass this course weather my prof likes it or not.  I am going to study like I’m on a mission.  I was so scared that I was done for but by some miracle I’m still surviving.  Everything is going well in my life.  My other two classes, Spanish and International business are going great and I’m going to Mexico this summer!! 

I’m going to study NAFTA and other business things.  I went to Purdue the two weekends ago to see Tory.  When I first saw her my heart dropped into my stomach.  She looked so beautiful.  She is also the coolest girl I’ve ever gone out with and I really like her.  She is coming here in three weeks to visit me and I can’t wait.  She is so high energy and I really love that.  Life just couldn’t get any better than it is right now.  I am going to pass accounting!!!  I just have to keep up the momentum and motivation.  It’s amazing how fast time has gone since I started college.  It’s kind of sad that I will be leaving soon, but there is always grad school in the future.  Life is good.