It is 3:56 on Tuesday afternoon. I’m in the 5th month of rarely leaving my house. I cannot say it has affected me greatly as I’m used to working from home and there are plenty of activities that can be done without going outside.
The past five months have slid by as though I’m in a daze. Almost half a year gone! For me, I’m still busy with work and have occupied my time with various projects I’ve mentioned previously. The latest project was buying a new server and installing my blogs on it. I’m still elated that I was able to move the blogs to the new server without trouble. It was a bit scary as my blogs are one of my greatest treasures and it was possible that my pictures wouldn’t match up with the right posts anymore but all is well.
One thing I’ve learned in this quarantine is that I like to stay active. What causes me some stress is determining what activity I should do in my free time. Should I read a book, play video games, workout, garden, or find some other project. My mind is always stuck in high gear and it is very hard for me to relax completely. My mind races from one thing to the next and I supposed that is due to my job and always having to be “on” all the time. I don’t think I’d be in a great mental state if it wasn’t thanks to the workouts in my home gym, meditation and preparing for the future.
The other thing that causes stress is things have not gotten better in terms of COVID. We’re seeing spikes again and this bodes very poorly for any travel recovery. I’m wondering if I’ll be furloughed if things continue to deteriorate. I’m safer than most due to the nature of my work in the industry but even that cannot hold out forever if travel does not resume.
As for the world overall we’re in uncharted territory. There will be many defaults in loans, people kicked out of their homes, breakups of marriages and so on. I wonder what the situation is like in homes across America. Given that our society has always prized work over a home life I’m sure the quarantine has been terrible for many families. Gone are the days when Mom and Dad trot off to work, dump the kids off at school and nobody has to see each other until after 3:00 PM. Now everyone is around all the time and I’m sure many households do not deal well with that. What will happen when things open back up. When will things open back up?
We’ve just been put on basic lock down here in California. No trips for us this summer and given the situation next year might be in doubt as well.
I had a thought to create a haiku or poem today. I swear I felt a little pressure on my chest this afternoon as though I couldn’t get a full breath. I had also felt poorly last night. This worried me for about an hour and during that time I saw a notice on my phone to take advantage of a great deal from Amazon. I had to chuckle as that is typical America. There is disease and death all around yet commerce and consumption still reigns supreme.
I am short of breath
Is it soon my time to go?
PCs 50% off
During this time I’m full of energy in the morning and can accomplish anything. By 3:00 PM all the energy is spent and I have no motivation to do any of my favorite activities. It is at this time I have to make myself do something or I’ll just sit in a chair and look at my phone.
Speaking of the phone I finally put Facebook away. I find that it brings me no joy at all. I no longer feel any desire to keep a connection with all my various acquaintances. It seems more like work liking every post out of a sense of duty due to old friendships. Just let it go and be more in the moment.
I’ve been stuck home for too long. I miss trips to San Jose for work. I really miss my annual Japan and Ohio trip. It is another day spent mostly in my shed in the backyard. Aside from working out and meditation there is no more self medications which are effective. Alcohol makes me lethargic the next day, gaming produces no dopamines and I’ve already completed my major projects. Weekends are just more time spent in the house and not something that gets me excited anymore. I wish I had a pool or at least a steam bath.
But I really cannot complain. I have a beautiful view, I have a home gym and plenty of electronic entertainment. Now where is my motivation. It has been lost in 5 months of self quarantine.