Journal Entry 4.27.19

It is 6:24 AM on April 27th, 2019. Although I’ve been waking up early I haven’t been getting up early in a very long time. I wake up at 3 or 4 AM but have opted to just sit there and think until I fall back asleep. When you first wake up is the best time for thinking because your mind has not yet refocused into the daily thinking patterns. It is ‘unbound’ and still on its way back from dreamland and it is at this time when great ideas happen as well as thoughts and thinks that just don’t occur once the mind has set back into its waking patterns. This early morning is also the best time to write for the reasons just given.

But I haven’t wanted to get up at these early hours ever since I took a new job late last year. My days are now busy with work, busy with notifications, busy with kids who constantly demand my attention. Busy, busy, busy. And so my mind tells me to just stay put, to enjoy the few precious moments of doing absolutely nothing. Once I set foot out of the bed the day will start and the ‘busy-ness’ will not stop until I am in bed again. So I lay there and I think and I fall back asleep.

Tomorrow is our dojo’s karate tournament called Fighter’s Cup. I’ve been trying not to think about it because it causes anxiety. But I’m actually less anxious about it this year. Last year I was the only one in my group and thus didn’t get to fight. I was happy about that at the time but quickly learned that the regret of not being able to fight is worse than the actual fighting. By not fighting I didn’t get a new video made, I didn’t get to talk about the fight afterwards, I didn’t get a medal, and I didn’t get to feel the sense of accomplishment and pride that goes with it.

So I’m looking forward to putting that behind me by fighting tomorrow. I’m not worried about the actual fighting aspect but I am worried about the stamina piece. I remember from my first Fighter’s Cup how much I felt like I was just going to die when I had run out of gas but had to keep going. That is the worst part for me.

Since Fighter’s Cup is tomorrow that means we do not have karate class today so I’ll get to play with Ren. Ren always likes to go to the park and swing so that is what we will do. We’ll go to the park, I’ll push him on the swing and then perhaps we’ll go to the pier and play a little Pokemon or take pictures of the ocean. We’ll do many things and try not to think about Fighter’s Cup.

By 魔手

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/