Journal Entry – 2.24.2019

It is Sunday February 24th at 5:52 AM.  It looks like I’m back to my old routine of naturally waking up very early.  I think the mostly has to do with getting back into my exercise routine which promotes a very restful sleep.  I still haven’t started the morning gym routine again but I’m back at karate and that is a big workout by itself.

I hadn’t been to karate for almost three weeks which is much too long.  Yesterday I went to help with the kids class and then the adults class right after.  As always it was pretty intense, I was soaked in sweat and was pretty sore afterwards.  This is when I feel my best because my mind is clear and my body is letting me know I’ve gotten some exercise.  It is louder on this point now that I’m 41 with various aches and pains that didn’t exist when I was 20.

Like red wine, exercise also gives me very vivid dreams.  Last night I had a frustrating one.  I received a call from my high school friends Glenda to come to a party her family was having on the top floor of this apartment/office complex.  So I hopped on something that resembled a Segway and headed over.  I could see them on the top floor having a good time but the elevator/stairs layout was terrible and I couldn’t figure out how to get up to that floor.

The elevators took a long time to come, they stayed open for only a split second when they did arrive, they were crowded and if I did find one that lead to the third floor I ended up in a completely different building!  In my dream I must have tried for three hours to get to that party and for some reason I didn’t want to call and have Glenda come get me, I wanted to figure it out for myself.

I know why I had a dream like this which I’m happy to explain.  Glenda was a classmate in grade school, a friend in high school and a friend in college.  After graduation I went to Japan but we kept in touch through e-mail.

On a visit home I was very excited to see all my friends and gave her a call.  However, she couldn’t meet while I was home because she was “dog sitting.”  When I heard this I was absolutely stunned!  A long time friend is unable to meet in the very short time I’m home only once in the entire year because of “dog sitting?”  She also didn’t offer any other times or really say much else and the conversation ended.  For the first time in my life I had been…. I’m having a hard time finding the right word here…
rebuffed
shot down
thrown away
rejected
shunned
abandoned
gutted

Hmm, I cannot find the right word, so lets just say ‘made to seem less important than a dog’ by someone who I had thought was one of my best friends!  Wow.

Well, lesson learned.  Living overseas I had learned what really good friends look like, friends that are actually there for you.  I then compared it to what I would do when a friend, any friend, not even a best friend, came into town.  I would drive within an hour radius to see them, any time any place.  But here, someone who I thought was one of my most intimate friends just casts me off?

Side note:  Speaking with friends that no longer live in their hometowns, this does seem to be a thing.  You go home, want to get together with old friends but many of them are just too busy and cannot meet.

Anyway, the friendship ended that day and has remained on ice for 15 years or so.  In fact, I’ve spent more time with and have a better relationship with her older sister.  She has come into San Francisco a few times and we’ve caught up.  Glenda has also come into San Francisco a few times and we haven’t caught up.  LoL

But this past Valentine’s Day I left a comment on one of her posts which I never do and she responded.  She and her husband were going to a Japanese restaurant that looked absolutely fabulous so I left a few words.  I guess that is why it is on my mind again.  It is something from the past that remains unresolved.  Or maybe not, maybe we were never good friends and it was just in my head?  Unlikely.  Getting older I seem to be the only one who remembers old friendships and tries to keep them somewhat alive.  All my peers from Ohio (except for maybe 6 people or so) seem to have forgotten the old friendships.  They are now the definition of ‘old’ in that they’re withdrawn, and say things like “My family is what is important to me.”  Yes, family should always be most important, of course!  But I’ve found many say this because as they age, their friendship skills are deteriorating, they cannot make new friends or age just makes them more antisocial.  They want to hide in their cocoon of “family” because social interaction outside of family and work make them uncomfortable.  They’re getting old, don’t have many/any? friends and so squeak out a “My family is most important” as a just and acceptable reason for their lack personality, lack of social skill and anti-social tendencies.  Immediate family doesn’t have a choice to hang out with you or not and are always around.  So in this regard family relationships are easier to maintain the friendships because meeting friends takes at least the effort of a phone call and activity.  Family will be around whether you do things with them or not and you don’t have a choice on interacting with them.  🙂

Well, I think that is enough for today.  It is still early and I’d like to get my meditation in before the rest of the household wakes up.  Perhaps we will hit the park as my little one loves the swings (just as I did and still do).  Maybe lunch outside?  We also need to get the pumpkin seeds planted so there is plenty of time for them to grow come Halloween.  It is nice to not have anything on the calendar and I think today will be a great day.

Published by 魔手

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/