Journal Entry – 3.22.2018

It is Thursday March 22nd, 2018.  It has been a while since my last journal entry due to a couple of things.

The first was I ended up winning Best in Class again for 2017 which meant a trip to Jamaica.  I was glad to win of course but to be honest I wasn’t as excited about it this year as in past years.  One of the reasons is the company has us pay for our ‘plus one’ which means around a $650 expense for me.  Furthermore, I like to get off the resort and learn a little about the history and so that also costs money in driver expense and of course visiting the various sites.  I’ll write a separate entry on Jamaica.

Once we returned I immediately got the flu and was out for a while.  In addition I find that alcohol makes me depressed and lethargic and so all the rum I had in Jamaica really didn’t help matters.  At 40 years old alcohol has become more of a downer than something fun to imbibe as it depressed my thoughts for many days after drinking.  I do not have motivation to keep up with my busy routine of lifting, karate and also don’t feel like doing much of anything!  I don’t drink unless it is at a party but I used to like a lot of wine when the occasion arose but again, the after effects on my brain now make the liabilities much greater than the benefits so I might just eliminate it completely.

This is the first day since Jamaica that I’ve felt motivated to write.  I’m now caught up at work with all the stuff that piled up, it is raining outside which is perfect for writing and I’m ready for the call tomorrow with my boss and her boss.

So what shall I write about?  I think I’ll start off with the lethargy and depression I experienced.  It is incredible how a mindset changes your entire outlook on life!  You’re not motivated to do anything, things that used to excite you don’t and all you want to do is sit around on the couch.  I wasn’t able to get up early as I usually do and instead opted to sleep in until the last possible minute.  Very unlike me!  It doesn’t help reading the internet because the news will mostly be about Trump and the mess he is causing.  The world is being polluted, kids are getting shot at school and everyone argues on social media.  This is not a good environment to be in when depressed as it only furthers the depression!

Well, today I’m happy to say that with the flu over and being back on top of things at work my mental outlook is positive.  I still need to force myself to get back into the gym because the best cure for a bad mindset is exercise.  The thing is I need to wake up at 4:00 AM in order to get it done otherwise the probability that I’ll actually do it is low.  I think I’ll have some time today to get into the gym since work seems slow and again, I’m all caught up.

The thought did occur to me two things in particular help to create a happy life.  The first is to live a ‘magical’ life.  Kids can do this very easily in that many things attract their attention and they become naturally excited.  This seems to die as we get older.  However, I’ve found that by listening to old music, playing some Zelda and thinking about the incredible, mysterious universe around me that life does indeed become exciting.  Happiness derives from a perception, from a mental state and not from external sources.  However, these external sources help me remember that life is indeed wonderful and mysterious.

One thing that probably attributed to the down attitude is that my life is changing.  I’m now 40 years older and I no longer think the way I used to:  I feel as though I’m more of a ‘parent’ now, my friends slowly fade away with the strong connection becoming even weaker than before.  It takes a mental effort to become happy or excited about things.  I remember when I was a teenager that these thoughts came naturally with the highs being actual highs and lows, lows.  Now, my mindset has evened out neither being high nor low.  It makes me feel as though I could use a boost of some sort.  I think that ‘boost’ should be the gym and I have convinced myself to go for a workout.

Author: 魔手

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/