Journal Entry – Anxiety

I wanted to get a quick blurb down on part of my state of mind at this age.  Anxiety is something that is always present and has to do with my line of work.  In sales you must always be selling and in account management there is always the threat from competitors and losing business.  I’ve been an account manager for just over ten years and in this line of work one can never relax.

I cannot remember the last time I truly felt relaxed, and without a care in the world.  The stakes are high; I must constantly achieve certain goals and if I do not I could and would get fired.  I need the job to make money and support my family.

Luckily I can handle this; workouts, meditation and other activities are great stress relievers.  Also, being able to extricate myself from the corporate world where they teach you the only important thing in life is higher profits and focus on the beauty of life also helps a great deal.

In a perfect world I’d be able to do something I truly love and the passion for doing it would easily wash away any stresses.  But no, for the past ten years I’m ranked against my peers where those on the bottom are quickly replaced.

This has caused a persistent and constant anxiety; although I am able to control the volume it is always there.  I miss the days of childhood where there were days without a care in the world; one could bath themselves in the pure joy of experiences such as a trip to the pool or playing with friends without having to worry about the next deadline, contract renewal or sale.

I’ve read that around 40 life is often the toughest:  childhood as we all know can be a lot of fun and then when we’re older our lives have a bigger safety net and retirement is on the horizon.  At 40 many of us are in an important moment in our careers,  we have young children and everyone is very busy.

As for me, I’ve decided to force a balance and not concentrate so much at making money preferring to put a premium on spending time with my family and enjoying experiences with them.  I’m confident that I can always make enough to create a comfortable life and would rather bank experiences, strong relationships and friendships rather than more money.  I reject our current society and its obsession with money; I’ll put my net worth in other, more precious assets.  In doing so I find myself in a very limited and exclusive class of investors.

The anxiety remains and it will continue to do so unless I win the lottery or seize a very rare opportunity should it present itself to my mind.  I can control the volume but some days it is louder than others.

By 魔手

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/