It is 3:31 AM. I awoke at 2:30 AM and at first glance thought it was 4:30 then was surprised at the very early hour and how awake I actually was/am. So, I got up and tried to sleep again on the couch through the witching hour but it did not work and so here I am.
I imagine I’m up from all the activity yesterday. There was karate class and then Kai and I headed over to Elk Glen Meadow in Golden Gate Park for Doug and Naoko’s baby shower. We stayed there until about three then played a bit of Pokémon at Rockaway Beach where we saw a few dolphins and a whale. Then it was home and we watched Once Upon a Time where Emma is now the Dark One, then the rest of The Painted Veil.
At unusual times like this when the house is silent and outside completely black I’m able to think clearly and deeply. The thought that made me get up off the couch and want to write is how we place such importance on trivialities in life, yet fail to clearly understand our situation and contemplate its mysteries. Our bodies are a mess of various organs held together on a skeletal frame covered by a sack of skin and we are self-aware. This body lives on a rock flying through a very hostile void which contains a seemingly infinite amount of other rocks, galaxies and stars which only started 14 billion years ago.
And we make up stories to explain this situation then run around killing each other because they have a different story to explain the situation. We tell ourselves that this sack of organs on a skeletal frame looks like the being who created everything and then make up further reasons when this design comes flawed or fails easily and tell ourselves “it’s a mystery.”
I saw a gif yesterday of a myosin protein carrying an endorphin and was equally amazed and shocked. Then I had further questions as to what that was made up of and if that was going on inside me, then what was going on inside the myosin? And once we see that what is going on inside there then what is going on inside that and so on ad infinitum. And by what unseen force does it walk and how does it know where to go? I understand so little about my own body it is frightening. And how much do I really understand about my own mind? Where do the thoughts come from? Do I have a similar mindset as others or is the way I perceive this existence common? What is mind?
Slowly the answers come and we rejoice at pat ourselves on the back at each new discovery. But in terms of the major questions such as where we are, what we are, the nature and origin of everything, our discoveries seem a bit trivial. And there are few that even pay attention to the discoveries we do make. Instead a majority of the species occupy the majority of their lives with very trivial matters believing they are important. It is a sobering thought to realize we could all be wiped out by an asteroid and the entire human existence and all activity completely erased. All the proclamations of Kings, the religious explanations, discoveries, accounting books and sales powerpoint presentations would cease to exist, no matter how much importance humans put on these activities. The only thing we would have left to show for ourselves would be a few satellites which will eventually cease to work.
At 40 years old I’ve come to believe the most important activity is to develop the mind and concentrate on experiencing this existence as fully as possible. Some may call this spirituality but I do not like that term as I feel religion has ruined it. I feel like a student again looking up at the stars, reading NASA’s website, rediscovering how interesting pretty much everything around me really is. It is as though I’m seeing everything with fresh eyes, a new mentality and it is absolutely fascinating. There is so much to know, learn and experience.
And this is what I thought about on August 28th, 2016 between three and five AM. And what do AM and PM stand for? Why have I never asked this question? It is incredible how Google has all the answers.