Journal Entry – 2.22.2016

It’s noon on Monday during an insignificant late February day.  I’m listening to Gordon Lightfoot and through his as well as other artist’s music am starting to believe I would have thrived in the 70s.  Mason Williams, Gordon, Led Zepplin all have references to fantasy and fantasy such as the Hobbit, Star Wars and so on make up a part of who I am.

It is not only fantasy, but it seems to me that this decade was more introspective, a decade of self discovery and reflection.  As I listen to more music from this era I get the feeling that everyone is taking a calm break from the acid trip that defined the 60s.  One song that I especially like is Circle of Steel which I believe (without looking on the internet) to be about how life is just one big gamble and some people do better than others.  To be born into unfortunate circumstances is not a baby’s fault and how far can we go to blame the parents who were most likely born into just as poor of a situation?  While we certainly cannot discount personal responsibility some just have an easier path in life than others and it can be quite hard to climb out of the hole of poverty, abuse and despair that many are born into.

I could write about so many of Gordon’s songs but instead of doing so I’ll just say his songs, subjects and music move me.  Being half serious I’d say his songs make me want to grow my hair out, put on a flannel, gather up some friends to go have a picnic on a sloping green hill side where we discuss life as someone gently strums an acoustic guitar and a doobie is passed around as we all sip a cold Stroh’s beer.  The image I have of this decade has much more appeal to me than the ADD, always-on, look-at-me, entertainment replacing reality, insanity of our society today.

Now that I think about it, I’ve already taken steps towards a more tranquil environment that is more reminiscent of the 70s than of today.  I’m done with Facebook, I’m shedding as many apps as possible, I meditate, I catch my sunrises and sunsets, and I’m basically going to try to withdraw from as much of mainstream society as possible.  No sports for me, I have no idea what Taylor Swift is up to and I really don’t care who said what on Twitter.  Instead of up and leaving the country I can remove my attention and focus from society and go my own way.  Hell, the way I’m going I think the only thing I need now is a cold Stroh’s beer which is probably going to be more difficult to find than Pliny the Elder.

Having said that, one thing I am doing that isn’t mainstream but is very much in the present is internet exploration and learning.  I’ve delved into the deep web which reminds me so much of how I felt when the internet first became available to the masses with Compuserve and AOL.  So much to learn, so much to explore, it is exciting!  What I quickly learned is that I have no interest in the negative stuff.  The deep web is full of it but actually for those who need a morbid curiosity filled that stuff can also easily be found on the clear web.  I too had some curiosity and took a look at a fight outside of a bar where a guy was beaten to death.  After it was over the guy recording when up to a guy laying on the ground and it was pretty obvious his neck was broken and he would die soon.  That image continues to haunt me.

But as I consider how this horrific video made me feel perhaps a good majority of Americans need to see this stuff – let us broadcast it for two minutes on the nightly news.  Why?  Because so many support wars for any reason given!  Perhaps they need to see what violence actually looks like!  Not movie violence as everyone knows that is acting, but real live murder with close ups and then show the women, husbands, children screaming and crying.  So many people support war, let show them exactly what they support!

And you know what?; it was shown thanks to the leaks by Chelsea Manning.  There is a reason the government went all out in trying to shut that down and remove it from the public sphere.  People actually got to see through the veil and experience reality.  Their support of war is support for that bullet going through that child’s skull but who cares about details – after all didn’t so and so celebrity just say something on Twitter?  Isn’t there a basketball game to watch?  Go TEAM!

It has felt good to go off on a tangent again like the days of old.  As we get older we begin to self sensor because our kids or neighbors will actually read what we’ve written.  As we get older, we’re expected to become less honest and to conform out of courtesy, out of keeping the peace.  Will my employer see, will the school teacher read this?  College kids often accuse their parents of selling out and I believe they’re right.  It takes a lot of courage to not conform, to not give in to the institutions.  As I can now reasonably be considered an adult I can say that yes, adults do “sell out,” it is what is expected of them and the pressure to do so is intense.

wp-1456151243557.jpg
Environment for this morning’s meditation

In any case, the deep web offers a bit of freedom, a place to be yourself 100%.  I actually don’t need the deep web to do this as I’ve got my handy little blog here.  I don’t want to be hidden, I want this to remain for my descendants to read after I’m long gone.  Aside from this blog, the deep web and VR I’m weaning myself off all the unnecessary tech.  As I mentioned before 2016 is going to be different.  I’ll shed all the unnecessary things while focusing on only a few life-enhancing activities.  My early morning gym routine continues to go well; on the days I don’t go to the gym I’ll read or meditate; I’ll continue to write in my blog; and perhaps most importantly I’ll focus on being with my family and helping my boys grow up with the introduction of new activities and such.

And as La Chanson De Claudine by Mason Williams has now just reminded me, I need to continue studying my languages.  I still haven’t written a post in any other language and it is time I get over my fear of mistakes and just write.  It is time.

———-

3:31 PM – I had an “adult moment” today;  I had to fill out the forms to enroll my son in the school district. If getting married, buying a house and having kids doesn’t make you feel “adultish” then filling out school forms sure will.  There are so many rules, regulations, signatures for this and that.  It reminds me of a comment I read in some cerebral publication that two men can hardly even converse together these days without drawing up an agreement on the subject and time frame of the conversation to take place.

Of course I understand why the schools do this because many parents are downright crazy and we live in a litigious culture where if you look at someone askance these days you’ll probably soon be served with a lawsuit.

The other aspect that really grabbed my attention was the request to know our living situation.  Looking at the different options to check I realized that many kids don’t even have a home and some do not even have parents.  The forms speak of court appointed guardians and if we live in a shelter, transitional housing, a motel, foster care or even at a campsite.  Reading these categories it makes my heart ache that some will check those boxes.  Young kids are so precious, so innocent and do not deserve to be in situations such as these.  Unfortunately some adults never will have their act together, are barely more than children themselves, and the future will most likely repeat the past for the child once they are grown and have kids of their own.

Author: 魔手

Global Citizen! こんにちは!僕の名前はマットです. Es decir soy Mateo. Aussi, je m'appelle Mathieu. Likes: Languages, Cultures, Computers, History, being Alive! \(^.^)/