This past weekend I had the urge to listen to my 80’s playlist during my workout. When I’m on the elliptical I like to zone out and really exercise not only my body but also my memory. I find that nothing helps bring back the memories better than music and if I focus I’m sometimes able to get myself into an absolute trance where I do not just remember events/places/people but it is as though I’m actually transported back in time and am there! It is not an easy thing to do but if accomplished then long dead emotions, thoughts and feelings are resurrected and the experience is absolutely exhilarating. I often write about the past and I believe a large part of it is that I can bring it back in my mind. Looking around and asking others my age about the past it seems like memory is a very fragile thing and this talent of mine might be very rare.
I want to keep and preserve these memories for eternity and since my mind will slowly degrade as I get older I use this blog not only to record my life as it happens but also to preserve my memories for my future as well as an infinite line of descendants. As technology advances it would be absolutely wonderful if we could record events in our lives and go back to relive them at will. If we were to get philosophical about it perhaps our lives are just reruns that we’ve chosen to re-experience or experience for the first time? Like an infinite being picking out a good movie but instead of just watching it actually living it! If this is so I’d certainly like a rewind and fast forward button. The rewind button more-so than fast forward but perhaps if I had that rewind button I might get stuck on that wonderful night with that special someone and never get to the end this “life movie?”
If this is not the case then perhaps an afterlife possibility as explained in the book Sum which I’ve recently finished. In one of my favorite scenarios events themselves continue on and you can relive them at will in the afterlife.
I’d really like to re-experience the ’80s, it was such a wonderful time. I was 10 years old in 1987 and it utterly astounds me to think how fast time has gone and how far away the ’80s are to the millennial generation. I for one am very grateful to have experienced that decade even though I was very young; it was a simpler time and seems a happier time. Things were much less complicated, we only had one enemy which was Russia; there were less things to worry about, which is such a contrast to now where we have to be concerned about absolutely everything: global warming, financial crises, a number of international enemies, terrorism, job instability, getting hacked, privacy from hackers and our own government etc. It seems I now live in a permanent state of anxiety and if I were to believe the media, noise, internets, endless stimulation, information, data cannons pointed in my direction I’m doing everything wrong, or at least not the most efficiently, could be doing it better!
Not so in 1987. When I think of 1987 I think of USA Skates which to my delight still exists as United Skates of America! Going to this place, especially for a classmate birthday party filled me with such absolute joy and excitement that this must be what the monks speak of when they try to describe Nirvana. The smell of popcorn, polished wood, and an innumerable amount of prizes like Coca-cola or wrap-around space sunglasses, fake poop and throw-up, whoopee cushions brought a kind of joy that does not exist in adulthood. The only thing to worry about at the skating rink was which girl to ask during the couples skate. Actually it wasn’t which girl to ask, since I usually had a very intense crush but if I could gather the courage to ask. I still remember a crush, initials VC, that said yes! (I had another crush in GM but I don’t think she skated with me. Either I didn’t ask or she said no.)
Now if memory serves, a childhood crush saying yes to a couples skate when your 10 causes more joy and euphoria than any number of sexual experiences had in college. A crush is an obsession that lasts weeks if not months and to finally be able to hold their hand and be close to them with thoughts that it might lead to marriage is utterly is a joy that we as adults have forgotten unless I use my technique above but even then, I can only catch a glimpse in my minds eye. In adult terms it is like finally having an orgasm after holding it back for months! I mean you see the girl everyday at school, in a plaid skirt no less, and can only hope for maybe a word or two with them if you’re lucky! Comparing it again to later experiences, seeing a crush everyday at school and just hoping to say a few words to them is like the slowest most excruciating foreplay in the world, but occurs to only one person, in their mind and is so secret that absolutely no classmates can ever know or will lead to rejection and ridicule which may never dissipate until graduation.
When the couples skate comes to a conclusion I remember looking at her, smiling, saying thank you and trying to discreetly wipe the sweat on my hand onto my pants without her noticing. She did the same.
As I listened to my ’80s music, as I’m also doing now, I thought that I’d really like to work as a DJ in the center island at the roller rink. But as I consider this further I would only enjoy it if I could be transported back to the 1980s. I don’t necessarily have to go back to 10 years old, but if I had the choice I’d like to be about 19 years old. That way I could drive myself to work but still retain a lot of the excitement of a date, or skate around the roller rink with a girl. If I were 19 I imagine my date would smell very strongly of hairspray as the curls and bangs are stiffened into a shape which nicely frames the face. She would also be chewing bubblegum of which I could catch a whiff of cherry or strawberry from time to time. Being extremely lucky I might be also taste these flavors in a kiss that would accompany the slippery feel of sparkling lip gloss which would be transferred to my lips and that I would shyly wipe away very quickly.
Since I work at the roller rink a better spot for a date would be the movies, dinner not included but we could buy plenty of popcorn and maybe a box of Twizzlers to share. Butterflies in my stomach would cause my pulse to increase as I reached out to hold her hand. If she doesn’t pull away then another problem arises in 20 minutes or so when, like during a couples skate, the hands become sweaty. The longer your hands remain clasped the sweatier they get and a decision must soon be made which is very difficult because you don’t want to her to think you no longer want to hold hands while at the same time avoid the embarrassing fact that you both have sweaty hands. Only the absolute bravest will let go, wipe the hand on something (and maybe even hers) then hold hands again. In my experience that is only for couples who have dated for a long time and are on the marriage track.
But I was not 19 in the ’80s so this is all just fun while my mind creates these scenarios i
as I listen to Rock Me Amadeus. I was 10 and couldn’t drive myself anywhere, and I didn’t have any income either so I was completely reliant on events such as birthdays for a really good time.
In any case, I’m glad I’ve finally gotten this memory down in a post. There is more I could write but as a blogger I’m much more of a sprinter than a marathon writer and I don’t like to look back what I’ve written; it gives me comfort just to know it is out of my head and archived in the blog.