It is now 9:33 pm and I am forcing myself to write this post. With two kids all personal time is effectively gone and things I enjoy doing are rarely done. It is incredible how we take the abundance of free time for granted when we do not have any responsibilities without realizing that it is slowly ticking away never to be regained or relived. In the past few years I’ve become acutely aware of the passing of time, so much so that it has almost become a neurosis. This blog perhaps is a reflection of that in my desire to record events, memories, people, experiences. Every moment is fleeting and it is rare for me to consciously catch my thoughts, take control of them and focus on the moment. Even when I watch a sunrise or sunset and do my best to focus, my thoughts continue to drift.
All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. – Yoda
When I am able to sustain and really soak in a moment I can also hear my inner voice and reach a level deep within myself. I’ve also found I can reach this place by writing posts as well as reading others blogs. I am able to connect not only with myself but with others in a way that is not easily described and could be dismissed as a figment of my imagination. It is through writing that we are able to reveal our true selves, that which we conceal and bury deep down and wall off from the routine day to day. I believe the desire to express ourselves to be an inherent human trait but one that we have a great fear of doing publicly, or even with those most intimate to us.
To bear one’s soul and be completely unguarded is something that I think most people will never do in their lifetime. The easy outlet however is to write, and to throw it out into the void known as the internet. It is a desperate, passive attempt to express ourselves in the hopes that there may be a connection out there, albeit from the relative safety and protection of distance, time and relative anonymity.
Tomorrow I’ll wake up and be on autopilot again, like millions of others I’ll be a task-doer. My inner voice will be buried and I’ll have the routine superficial thoughts I’m used to having, I’ll be the person people expect me to be and I’ll complete my tasks. Perhaps it is only when we can reach our inner voice and connect with others on this level that makes us human. Otherwise what would separate human beings from robots or a software program?
Switching gears I’ve recently been thinking about that in spite of all the advancement in humanity over the past 2000 years a few major aspects of our human experience have pretty much stayed the same. We are still a world of tribes who really cannot understand each other even though the communication may be instantaneous and English is spoken. We still have wars and always appear to be on the brink of yet another conflict with one tribe fighting another. A great majority of the population still clings to superstitious beliefs and religion even though we have great universities and institutions of higher learning. Yet, neither science nor religion can tell us the nature of reality, where we are, how everything began and why anything exists at all. To think too deeply on this point can cause incredible amazement and fear at the same time.
And now with technology I feel that although the tools of communication, a channel to millions right in our own homes exists, we are becoming evermore remote. Send a text, press “like” but do not call and may hell freeze over should actual physical contact or even being in close proximity IRL be required.
The time is now 10:20pm and I am well past my bedtime.