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May 29, 2006
Another CNN rant
I have said time and time again that CNN is awful and most intelligent people agree. So what is it that keeps us watching it? Apparently their business model works if even I cannot change my web browser start up page. I guess it's because they have a worldwide network and are the first to report if something bad happens.
One thing I've noticed however, is the lack of information and debate in their top stories. The story I'm referring to now is the FBI raid on a congressman's office. Apparently it's causing a stir but from reading their articles, they never mention exactly why the office was raided. It goes something like this.
'Congressman so and so's office was raided. Republicans and Democrats don't like it. Bush ordered the documents sealed. Congressman so and so was also mad.'
Why exactly was it raided and if it's causing such a stir why don't they tell us why?
As for lack of debate, this appears to be a nationwide problem. Everyone is either on the left and right and they aren't going to budge. The extent of the debate goes like this.
Left: The invasion of Iraq is bad because they just want oil.
Right: No "we" don't, it's about giving Iraqi's freedom and to protect us from weapons of mass destruction.
On the Right, I think most people simply don't want to go against the "team" which is their country. They've lived in America their entire lives and speaking against the country's action just seems wrong.
The Left is anti-war folk who would be against any war. They are the ones who want to save the planet, destroy corporations, even though they use the corporations products and services daily.
What America needs is not your right or left propoganda and media which refuses to even consider the others point of view. A great show would be two intelligent people who take a position opposite to their own point of view and try to defend it while conceeding to points made by the other side. But no, debate in America has simply come down to "the other side is wrong" mentality.
Posted by Mateo at 3:21 AM | Comments (2)
May 28, 2006
Intelligence Agencies!!
Hey Intelligence Agencies!!! Good news, I found the terrorists!! I'm sitting here watching the news in California and they've just reported that gang members have killed two 14 year olds in the past week! If you're not too busy please use your "precision guided missles" to unleash some "shock and awe" in the city of Oakland. Random checks for weapons catches in the the Oakland city residents homes would also be advised since half the city appears to be gang bangers.
What is that you say? You are only allowed to do that in poor countries? What, you already deployed the National Guard to the border of Mexico to stop those "villians" who are just trying to make a better life for themselves? Nonsense!! I'm sure you could drop one daisy cutter, obliterate a couple city blocks in Oakland and the real terrorists would be done for! And just think, you could still make money by constructing a golf course, or perhaps high income housing in the new vacant lot! It's a win win situation!
A concerned citizen,
Mateo.
PS: You can skip the Castro area. The terrorists are sure to keep far away from there on their own.
PSS: Just so you are sure to receive this message as you are now listening, reading the private communications of ordinary Americans, let me make sure your scanners pick up this message. bomb bomb bomb bomb.
Posted by Mateo at 12:55 PM | Comments (0)
May 25, 2006
The American Solution to Suicide Bombers
It's been a while since my last entry due to my moving back to America and I've been meaning to comment on this for a while. America seems mired down in this enigma of suicide bombings which they are having a very hard time stopping. I know that that there must be a lot of people with graduate degrees working on this problem but I think I've found where they are going wrong. You see, most people who are working on this problem most likely graduated from Hamburger eating, too much television watching, SUV driving America!!!! So what is their solution??? A FRIGGIN COMMERCIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Gen Xers solution to the problem of suicide bombings is yes a commercial which after watching so many of them throughout their life must have thought, "Gee, commercials got me to buy a brand new cell phone with e-mail capability, sold me on losing fat at Subway, and I learned that by taking 8 different drugs a day I could feel happier, lose bad cholesterol, and run a marathon. Perhaps if we made a commercial then it will solve the problem!"
As luck would have it, I was able to obtain a few preliminary drafts of these commercials through my secret contacts in Saigon.
1. It starts out with a young Iraqi youth in a park sitting by the pond contemplating while the narration starts. "Are you feeling down and depressed by American oppression? Have you given thought to strapping a bomb to yourself and blowing the hell out of everyone and everything? Is this stopping you from being able to concentrate on your daily activities and leave you feeling,,, well Irregular? Then through the wonders of modern science we have come up with ZANIKS, the wonder drug that will not only starve off these murderous intentions, but will also help lessen your cholesterol and leaving you feeling like yourself again. Please call 1-800-UGO-America for your free bottle of happiness." Then very as the narrator speaks very rapidly "Terms and restrictions apply, side effects may include constipation, irritability, and hallucinations of grandeur. Not available in Samarrah, Falluja or the Kurdish homeland."
2. The second one is of a suicide bomber who suddenly gets hungry on the way to his target and decides to drop in subway. With every bite the bombs start dropping out from underneath his shirt and as the poundage is shed away he starts to smile until he is finished and skips out of the restaurant to go play ring around the rosy with the other unemployed young males whose family have already been bombed to oblivion.
If commercials don't work, then I heard they are thinking of introducing a new video game called "Infiltrating Iran Commandos" with the hopes of getting every disaffected Iraqi youth playing nonstop. If the game becomes popular then perhaps, they could get them to dream of sneaking into Iran, blowing up the leadership there, and thus kill two birds with one stone.
I however, having spent much time abroad have learned to think outside of the box and of something truly original. The solution to the problem of instability in Iraq is to put Saddam in charge of security!!!! Yes, he is a murderous dictatorial bastard but he is the last person who made Iraq secure and everyone there is afraid of him! It's like America has the Ace of Spades but is afraid to play it! Actually, wasn't Saddam the Ace in the infamous deck of cards? This is a rather ironic analogy but America should take that card and play it!
From the American way of thinking, Americans cannot understand why some "bad" Iraqis' are blowing up the infrastructure America wants to build and don't want freedom!!! My guess is America wants to control the government or at least get favorable oil contracts and cannot leave without at least something and this is what the "bad" people are fighting against. If it was simply a case of "Hey, we want to come in, fix your city, give you freedom and happiness" and so on then it would be stupid to try and stop it! But apparently we are at a stalemate and thus I think if America just promised to give Saddam his palaces back and a few million then he would be happy to put down this insurrection and could promise America favorable oil contracts!!!!
And yes, this idea is as ridiculous as playing commercials. So people in the red states, if you don't see the sarcasm please understand that it is a joke and don't leave messages telling me it's a terrible idea. Look "Sarcasm" up in the dictionary.
Posted by Mateo at 12:14 AM | Comments (4)
May 24, 2006
Poor FBI
I saw the picture above today in the news and just couldn't help but laugh. As I sit here in SF contemplating my new job opportunities, I must admit that I've given a spit second thought to the NSA, CIA and FBI due to international experience and language abilities. However, in light of current events I nixed the first two because they seem,, well,, evil. But one long standing excellent government department has always been the dependable FBI who seem like the good guys. These guys are the ones who stop the Mafia, catch the "real" bad guys and make life good here in America.
However, this picture obviously does not help their recruiting efforts. When one thinks of the above agencies, you are thinking James Bond, Mission Impossible, infiltrating the bad peoples' hideouts like ninjas decending from above to karate kick those bad guys to hell. Unfortunately, this image destroyed all of that for me. It seems these dudes resemble Chris Farley more than a weapon of destruction. They look not only like they couldn't run a mile, but to make matters worse, they are wearing Mission Impossible sunglasses!!! And beyond that, the one on the right is wearing a Lance Armstrong bracelet that sports people are suppposed to wear!!! AND the one bending over has a FRIGGIN FANNY PACK ON!!!! You SIMPLY CANNOT BE COOL AND WEAR A FANNY PACK!!!!
The CIA and NSA may be evil but at least they can get away with their malicious deeds with an image of authority! A while back there was a picture of an NSA guard on duty who was fit, wore a black cap, sunglasses, and scarf over the lower half of his face which did make him look like a superkiller ninja! It made me feel like he must be thinking "Yes, we are going to listen to all of your communications and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it or I will infiltrate your house in the darkeness of night with my super stealth, tie you up and drop you from a plane in Siberia!!!" Also, one would think that should the news agencies even THINK about printing such an unflattering picture of their agencies such as the one above, the NSA would put the photographer in some secret prison in Eastern Europe approximately 2 seconds after the picture was snapped, and the CIA would hit their buildings with their deadly drones.
But don't worry FBI. Perhaps this event where you are actually taking action against the "real" bad people will overshadow the fact that your agents look like Homer Simpson on a treadmill. In my mind you are still an upstanding agency and an excellent American tradition.
But just in case my house is ever raided by the authorities, I sincerely hope it's by the FBI because all I have to do is simply run for half a block until I've made my escape.
Ok, that was mean. I still really do like the FBI and trust you guys and should you be hiring guys that weigh less than 200lbs please look me up.
Your friend and physically fit countryman,
Matthew
Posted by Mateo at 11:54 PM | Comments (0)
May 23, 2006
In San Francisco
It's been a week here in San Francisco and I've been all over this town. One thing I've learned is that you can't even move without money pouring out of your pockets. EVERYTHING is expensive. Even walking down the street there are a lot of homeless asking for change. It's hard to drop coins after seeing the poor in Cambodia and trying to figure out who will not buy drugs with the money. Also, I rented a car and got two parking tickets. The first was for not having my "wheels curbed," which means you have to turn your wheels towards the curb in case your car starts to roll since a lot of parking are on steep inclines. I will contest that one since I have a drivers license from Ohio and will say I just didn't know. Probably won't get any sympathy though. The second one was when the meter ran out since my interview lasted for 3 hours!!!!
I used to consider myself a liberal but after a week of living in San Francisco I think I'm going to have to go back to being a conservative. Everyone here has bumper stickers telling you to do or not do something.
1. Click it or Ticket - Wear your seatbelt or you get a ticket
2. Nobody is free when people are oppressed - Yea, like these Starbucks hippies know something about oppression. Oppression for them would being denied whipped cream on their mocha latte frappa cappa rino.
3. I've heard about people call others a bad word about 17 times. Apparently these people aren't as happy as I thought. A lot of attitude here in the west.
4. Homeless people - Many are fat and I saw a few drinking starbucks. Quite a big difference from the deathly skinny people with limbs blown off in Cambodia. Most look like they do drugs and they get paid $300 a month by the city to feed their addiction. If you dont' give money expect to be called names.
5. To rent an apartment you have to fill out forms and applications, and other bureaucratic crap. It's just as bad as France!
But on the positive side, the city is very clean except for the ghetto that city planners decided to put right in the MIDDLE of the city!!!! Funny how the ghetto is located one block from the richest part.
Apparently here, making money is the way to happiness. I really miss the people of Vietnam and even though many are poor, still smile and are friendly and don't look like they will shoot you if you don't give them change.
Posted by Mateo at 12:42 PM | Comments (1)
May 19, 2006
San Francisco
I'm now sitting in a Starbucks cafe here in San Francisco. I can't believe I'm back in the USA and my head has been spinning ever since I landed. One thing I can say is that I hate culture shock and jet-lag.
I really need to write down all the culture shock aspects but for now the one thing I find very strange is the amount of homeless in San Francisco and Berkeley. There are actually more beggars here than in Saigon. The reason I guess is because this place is so liberal and Vietnam is the opposite of that. I know there would be more beggars but Saigon has a strict policy on that. One thing that I find very strange however is how fat the homeless here are. I'm not trying to be mean or malicious but I'm used to seeing beggars without limbs, suffering the after effects of war and are extremely thin. The beggars in Berkeley are reading novels and I saw one drinking Starbucks!!
One african-american didn't look very poor but was in a wheelchair but for some reason I don't think was actually handicapped. I can't be sure and maybe it's just from my experience in nam seeing people without legs scooting themselves around on a makeshift board with wheels. Those people I gave a bit of coin too, but this beggar in Berkeley was even wearing fashionable clothing and said "Yo, can I get 50 cent so I can get something to eat." I imagine they wanted something from McDonalds but I just kept walking and he/she called me a "faggot." Now that is something I'm really not used to and I almost turned around and pushed them into oncoming traffic.
I know it sounds really terrible to say that, but this is what culture shock does. America is really an aggressive society and apparently I have lost the thick skin and ability to ignore all the name calling from aggressive beggars. I dropped qutie a bit of money to people that really needed it in Saigon and to see these rich beggars really gets under my skin, especially if they call me names!
I guess over time, I'll become accustomed,, or should I say "hardened," again and regain the ability to ignore the bad people. But I've got to say, from my international experience, I would actually be less worried about traveling to Iran or the middle east since I know why violence occurs there and there is usually a reason. Here, I could get mugged, beat and so on for no reason what so ever. Being here makes me realize that the slum I lived in in Saigon was actually 300% safer.
Posted by Mateo at 12:52 AM | Comments (2)
May 9, 2006
Street Vendors
Being a student of languages, I found it very interesting during my recent travels to compare the English abilities of street vendors in both Cambodia and Vietnam. These are the people who continually summon you to check out their goods and really pressure you into buying something. At times it can be very annoying, but one has to remember that there are no social services here and these people struggle day by day to just get by. But for the foreigner, it's difficult to identify who the true needy are and who don't need as much help. So this entry will serve as kind of a guide to help in discerning who you should give a bit of money to as well as how they will approach you.
The first thing I noticed is how from Cambodia and throughout Vietnam they are using new English phrases to get you to buy something.
1. The new phrase everyone is using after you have repeatedly told them no is "ok, later." The vendor will continually say "You buy me one, you buy me one." They will be persistent but after telling them "no" continually they will say "Ok Later" after which many foreigners say "Ok." Then the next time they see you they will say "You say you buy me one, why you not buy me one," and look at you with a sad face. If you really don't want to buy something you cannot say "ok" after they say "ok, later" because they will really pester you since you agreed to buy something after they said "ok, later."
In the beginning, foreigners will usually buy something but their constant pleas will eventually wear anyone down. On the beach in Nha Trang we bought a few items at first but that created a swarm of people around us. To those that simply wouldn't leave and looked needy, I offered to buy them a drink and gave their kids some gum. It costs next to nothing and will create good will.
Sometimes, they are greatful if you just sit and talk with them instead of shutting them out completely. I spoke with one woman on the beach for about an hour and learned so much about her life and how she makes a living. It made me laugh when she said she really didn't like the French because they never bought anything. Again, it can get very annoying when you are continually asked to buy something but it's important to remember that these are human beings as well and it's good to drop a few coins now and then.
While in Hoi An, I ran into one kid who had a very unique approach to selling his newspapers. We had just gotten of the motorbikes when this kid with tears running down his face said to me "You buy me one." Now in this case I could tell that it was a trick that many foreigners might fall for. So I asked him directly, "Why are you crying." I don't think he could understand but all his tears really did get to me and I offered him about 20 cents for nothing. He then pointed to the price of the paper which was 30,000 VND. It was then I could see in his face that he wasn't really sad and it was all a ploy. The price of a newspaper is 5,000VND and somehow he figured out how to erase the price that is printed on the paper and reprint in strange font a much higher price. This was a sham and made me mad so I walked past him and into the restaurant. He tried to follow me in but the staff stopped him.
I began to observe him from the outside and saw other Vietnamese looking at him with amusement. It sounds cruel, but this kid was doing ok with his gig of ripping off foreingers. His tears also immediately stopped when no foreigners were nearby. He then saw me looking at him and started gesturing after which I asked again in Vietnamese "How much??" with a look that told him I was not going to pay that outrageous price. I really did want a newspaper but there was no way I was going to get ripped off that much. He lowered the price a little after which I told him in Vietnamese "Too much!" He then came into the restaurant and the staff wanted to kick him out again, but I told them to let him come after which I negotiated the price down to 10,000VND which is twice the price, but then again this is how the kid makes his living and for me it's not that much money.
The moral of the story I guess is that it's a bad idea to let yourself get ripped off because it is not an honest way of doing business and will cause trouble for other foreigners but on the other hand it's good to be generous from time to time and when the need is truly there. So I felt good about not paying too much but at the same time giving him a little extra.
After I finished my meal I spoke to him a bit but my Vietnamese wasn't enough to understand what he was saying. I gave him a handshake and he returned a big smile.
Another story to illustrate the negative effects of giving money when one shouldn't is to the very young bow legged girl who hangs out on Dong Khoi street. She is cute as buttons but if it's her mother who makes her go out day after day when she should be in school. If we give money to her it will simply encourage this terrible practice. And, she really isn't that needy which I found out by offering to buy her a coke and a hot dog after which she replied "No,,,, Money!" The conversation usually goes like this.
girl: you buy me one
Me: Cannot
girl: yes,, you buy me one!
Me: Not today
girl" ok later
Me: No not later, do you want a coke?
girl: No, Money!
Me: No, Coke!
girl: You give me money!
With the young ones it's easy to get them off their goal by asking simple questions.
Me: How old are you?
girl: 7
Me: What's your name?
girl: hanh
Me: Hi Hanh, my name is Matt
girl: You buy me one!
Then I usually just smile and continue on.
This girl knows me since I've lived here for two years and the other night when we were hitting the bars she started to come up to me after which I looked at her with an overanimated expression of surprise and started to run away saying "Nooooooooooooo" I turned around and it was so cute to see those little bow legs running after me with a big smile on her face. I picked her up and carried her in my arms and said, "Why you always chase me!" She said "You buy me one?" I said "Already buy you one last month!" She started to count her postcards "One, two, three, four...." and I responded in Spanish after which she looked at me with a quizzical look. It was cute and I couldn't help but give her 2,000 dong which is about 15 cents. I really shouldn't encourage that practice but I couldn't help myself on that occasion.
Another good trick if you really don't want to give money is to simply talk with them or offer funny answers to their questions.
They will say "You buy me one," but then sometimes ask you questions to keep you attention. Most all of them after you initally refuse will ask "Where are you from?" To this I sometimes reply "Japan" and if they are quick they will think a minute and then smile and say "nooooooooooooo" Then you can smile and share a laugh with them. I then ask where they are from and they usually say "Ho Chi Minh City" and are pleased that you stopped to talk with them since most foreigners do not.
It's also extremely important to always keep a smile on your face and be warm and friendly. Even if you don't want to buy you can sympathize with them by the expressions on your face and they will begin to have a favorable opinion of foreigners even if they don't buy.
Posted by Mateo at 9:00 AM | Comments (2)
May 8, 2006
Cambodia
These last couple of weeks have been insaine. I've been all over S.E. Asia and thought it was time for a blog entry but unfortunately had a big night out last night and can barely think straight today. But I'm tired of watching movies yet too lazy to get out of the house.
I don't even know where to start, so I guess I'll just give the run down of my adventure in Cambodia. I went with my gf and buddy who came to visit me from France. The picture above was taken in the war museum and what an experience that was! The civil war just ended five years ago and they still have a lot of weapons around and let you pick them up in the museum. A visit to this place really puts things in perspective and makes you wonder how anyone could ever support a war. Our tour guide was a soldier in both the Khamer Rouge and then switched sides to the Vietnamese army or would have been executed when they invaded.
He had been shot by an AK-47 three times, his body was full of shrapnel metal and nails, he had a prosthetic leg and was 70% blind. His wife also stepped on a land mind and was killed two years ago. Some questions were asked that he could not answer because the current PM of Cambodia and some elements in Government were in the Khamer Rouge so he had to be extremely careful with his answers.
Most of the beggers in Cambodia have had limbs torn off by the thousands of landmines still strewn about the country and all I could think about was those religious zealot idiots in America who support the war in Iraq as they drive around in their SUV's and believe God is on their side in promoting war. Damn.
On the positive side, Cambodians are wonderful and extremely resilient people. Our waitress in the restaurant was as cute as a box full of kittens who replied to our requests with "Thank you a moment please." (Thank you and just a moment please). When she kept saying that it made us just want to give her a big hug.
Although there is a lot of misery in Cambodia, the people are warm and extremely friendly. It is also a very big tourist destination for Asians and the Ankor Wat temples are extrordinary. My gf dragged Ryan and I to about 6 thousand temples in the blazing sun but on the second day we took a break at the Sofitel pool and their wonderful swim up bar.
Cambodia is not the only place we hit, but in the past month I've been to Thailand, Nha Trang, Hoi An, Hue, Danang, and Hanoi. I'm pooped! For those Vets who wonder what Danang is like now, there is nothing left of the American war machine and nothing mentioned about any war sights listed in Let's Go which means they have all been built over by economic progress.
Hanoi was also quite the experience. It's much more solemn than Saigon and the people much more reserved. I spoke to a university student and said that I didn't find Hanoi people very friendly but she said they were just more quiet than people in Saigon. We visited the mausoleum of Ho Chi Minh and saw him in his glass sarcophagi surrounded by four white uniformed guards with bayonetts.
It was also extremely interesting hearing the North Vietnamese accent with their heavy use of the "z" sound. So many words are pronounced with the sound "zzzzz" that it makes me think that if bumble bees could talk they would speak with an accent from Hanoi. Zum zaa, zoi zzzunn! In the line to see Ho Chi Minh the guards pick out people who are not dressed respectfully enough and one stern faced 6 foot tall guard picked out a Vietnamese, said something strict and made the guy go to the clothing lending station to put on pants.
In other news, I checked to see how many hits my website was getting and it's over 1000 a month!! It really makes me wonder who wants to read my ramblings and whatnot. Well, it's about time for an afternoon nap so I'm gonna conclude this entry here.
Posted by Mateo at 3:32 PM | Comments (2)