August 2009 Archives

In the past two weeks there have been two articles about how people should post on Facebook. Both are a bit negative in that they try to tell people what and what not to post.

1. Wall Street Journal - How Facebook can Ruin Your Friendships
2. CNN - 12 Most Annoying Types of Facebookers

This post is to combat this "Facebook Snobbery."

The great thing about Facebook is it has the ability to bring every single close friend / acquaintance / person you met once together in one place. Secondly, the update status feature gives you a window into their lives and from each post the window opens another inch. From the simple question "What's on your mind?" we learn more about the daily trials our friends face and helps us get to know them without the screen that usually impedes our face to face interactions.

With this technology, we are less hesitant to post what we really think as our minds are not trying to identify with any discriminating person but just a blank screen staring back at us. There are no reactions to what we say, it just takes the information, posts it and then returns to the original screen should you wish to add further information. In a way it is quite liberating!

However, the WSJ article says it can destroy friendships. This begs the question, just how solid are those friendships? It is human nature to want to "fit in" with whatever crowd we happen to be interacting with. Thus we try to conform our thoughts and words to that of the group and not stand out. In doing so, are we really being honest with the group and ourselves? The computer doesn't care one way or another.

Let's break down the article so we can get to the point.

1.) "we're breaking a cardinal rule of companionship: Thou Shalt Not Bore Thy Friends."

- The status update box says "What's on your mind?" NOT "Please post something entertaining you think your friends might want to read." A "companion" likes you for who you are. Friendship does not entail endlessly trying to entertain the other person!

2.) "He's particularly annoyed by a friend who works at an auto dealership who tweets every time he sells a car, a married couple who bicker on Facebook's public walls and another couple so "mooshy-gooshy" they sit in the same room of their house posting love messages to each other for all to see. "Why is your life so frickin' important and entertaining that we need to know?" Mr. Brown says."

- Mr. Brown sounds like a grump. I don't think I would like to be friends with Mr. Brown.

3. "My question is this: If we didn't call each other on the phone every time we ate before, why do we need the alerts now?"

- Because it's easier, it's "what's on my mind" and is a valid status update! I'm interested in what types of foods my friends eat and each small detail let's me know exactly what their life is like. Besides, who uses the phone anymore, a phone call is a huge commitment! How old are u lady, 62?

4. still puzzling over an old friend--"a particularly masculine-type dude"--who plays in a heavy-metal band and heads a motorcycle club yet posts videos on Facebook of "uber cute" kittens. "It's not fodder for your real-life conversation," Mr. Gilbert says. "We're not going to get together and talk about how cute kittens are."

- Perhaps you are just not a good friend Mr. Gilbert? Perhaps this masculine-type dude feels he has to put on a tough guy show for you every time you meet. Perhaps you are too insensitive to realize this guy WOULD like to talk about cute kittens and you're too dense to realize it. Besides, who doesn't like cute kittens??? If you're not man enough to talk about kittens then maybe you need more self esteem? Wouldn't learning more about your friend and having him be honest would you strengthen your friendship?

5. James Hills discovered that a colleague is gay via Facebook, but he says that didn't bother him. It was after his friend joined groups that cater to hairy men, such as "Furball NYC," that he was left feeling awkward. "This is something I just didn't need to know," says Mr. Hills

- So it's better to hide and conceal who they really are so you feel more comfortable? Their life isn't about making you feel more comfortable Mr. Hills. If you were a true friend you would accept them for who they are.

6. And then there's jealousy. In all that information you're posting about your life--your vacation, your kids, your promotions at work, even that margarita you just drank--someone is bound to find something to envy.

- So now we have to consider if someone will feel insecure or not? We should be happy that our friends are enjoying themselves!

It is my opinion that the above examples all come back to something that is wrong in our society. It is a "me, me, me" culture in that everyone should conform to please me! The great thing about Facebook is it is a collection of friends who are being themselves and not necessarily trying to please everyone else. We get to hear their honest opinions and break down barriers that would otherwise impede face to face interactions.

America has always had a bit of a formal culture as opposed to the more carefree cultures you find in warmer climates. In the 50s' even a husband and wife barely new each other it was so formal! We have a culture that implores to please keep your opinions to yourself unless the other agrees with what you are saying. However, Facebook is changing all that. People are taking the suggestion and posting "What's on your mind?" with less worry about pleasing everyone else.

Now on to the CNN Article. If this journalist was my friend I would immediately have to de-friend as the guy obviously cannot be pleased.

1. The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. "I'm waking up."

- Normal people lead normal lives. Who are you, Indiana Jones? If everything posted was super exciting then we would be breaking the "do not make people jealous" rule from the WSJ lady.

2. The Self-Promoter

- So? I'm interested in the achievements of my friends. Maybe the journalist is just jealous? Besides, I like to know what I am missing!

3. The Friend-Padder

- Some are more social than others and FB is a great way to keep in touch with everyone. It is up to the account holder to decide how many friends he/she wants to have. I suspect the journalist has only about 10 friends. Sad

4. The Town Crier. "Michael Jackson is dead!!!"

- This is great! I learn about news more quickly from my friends and it is like having an army of news gatherers. They are often faster then major news sites!

5. The TMIer. "Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids."

- Ya, sometimes TMI is bad but my friends are human and should I ever have hemorrhoids I'll know who to ask about it.

6. The Bad Grammarian. "So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe".

- Actually, this bothered me for a while but I'm over it. Besides, when you update by phone it's easy to do, so quit beng so anal!

7. The Sympathy-Baiter. "Barbara is feeling sad today."

- Not everyone can be super happy everyday and the great thing about friends is they give support. People are being honest!

8. The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.

- Guilty! Lolz. This one is harmless. The status updates keep coming nonstop and it's hard to respond and get back to everyone. This doesn't mean we are not paying attention!

9. The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn't complain about.

- Ok, I agree with this one. Some people just complain too much. But we can't ship all the Republicans to Guam now can we! That would be mean.

10. The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party

- Ya, this one can be dangerous. That's why I now only get drunk in my apartment while under the covers.

11. The Obscurist. "If not now then when?"

- I enjoy these ones because it gets me thinking. What could they be talking about??!! I don't know the what, so I'm not sure about the when but you've got me excited!! I like to post a random time and date to these. "Next Saturday at 12:30, meet me at the train tracks."

12. The Chronic Inviter. "Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me.

- Solution: Hide button. I hid the farm application... er,, wait, no I didn't. Friends, I'm so sorry you found a black sheep on your farm!! What do you need me to do? Can I help??

So, to all my friends on FB, please keep posting everything and anything that is on your mind! If you just ate a burrito or are about to cross the Sahara while trying to evade the gypsies I appreciate the info!

I am now 32 years old and not sure how I gained so many years so quickly. If I look back I can divide the last eight years into locations: Japan, Vietnam and San Francisco. Japan was the first step and on the road to excitement after my school years had ended. Vietnam was to break out of the English teaching environment and gain business experience and San Francisco has been to further the business experience.

I guess I really do know where the last 8 years went and am now contemplating where the future lies. The problem is that it's very easy to settle into a life of familiarity and comfort whilst very difficult to break out of it and take the plunge into the unknown once more. Further, time continues on, we get older and are expected to "settle." This settling part unnerves me but remains influential in my thinking. The trick is to go about it both ways, take a risk and try to keep both. This gets more difficult as we go up the career ladder and become afraid of losing what we already have.

Further, it is important to realize that life is happening right now and to relish the current experiences instead of grasping or continually waiting for the future which ironically always seems to remain in the future and never in the present.

Why do I even think these things? The reason is the different types of environments I've lived in are like completely different worlds. There was the Ohio life, the Japan life, the Vietnam life and now the San Francisco life. Each one has its ups and downs but all very unique and it is hard to convince my brain to stop comparing all of there will never be a "best one." Although each experience has been wonderful, I continually reminisce on my previous experiences.

A further shock to the system comes when I realize I am 32 years old. I do not work with younger people but through the internet it is very easy to see how much time has passed and that I do not identify with new internet trends as easily as I used to. I do not see much value in Twitter although I love Facebook. I am aghast at the profanity and porno in posts on the internet and movies. I realize I HATE current pop music and prefer listening to Classical and music from Asia. I feel that I have spent so much time figuring things out, when I return to what I thought I knew it has changed so much since I last focused on it. If I had my way, I think I would have preferred to stop aging at exactly 30 years old.

Yet, when I was 21 I thought I was old. Then heaven forbid I was 24. Then the unthinkable 30!! And time refuses to stop for me.

Further, all this focus on business has distracted me from my true passion which is language and culture. My Kanji understanding has gone way downhill and I have not made any progress in Japanese although the level really hasn't deteriorated. The feeling remains that I should be employing more energy into these subjects yet it's hard to find the motivation when not in the environment.

The business life has been a learning process in its own right but I really cannot identify with it's central theme which is simply to "sell more." We sell a lot, then are expected to sell even more, and then even more the following year. I cannot dispense with the thought that enough will be enough someday. The numbers must continually go up or the system doesn't work. I've had the same thought about "lawmakers" in that "don't we have enough laws already?" Isn't it hard enough to keep track of all the laws we've already made instead of continually adding to them? Are we stuck in a system that laws must be made so lawmakers can keep their jobs? Can they make a law that says laws must continually be made?

In terms of economics doesn't it hold true that we must continually make and consume more and more products? Can the system ever go in reverse? Or will we just keep making and consuming until the raw materials completely run out?

Concerning religion, why is it that in an advanced and educated society people still cling to old rituals and superstitions? Why can't their ideas change when science proves the opposite? Or could it be that we all just need to believe in something greater when we realize that there is more to life then simply consuming products. We're not really sure what is going on so we join a large established religion to provide some direction even if we do not sincerely believe in all the tenants due to science proving otherwise?

If God is all powerful, all knowing and the various prophets are the messengers of God why have various religions gotten it so wrong? Why didn't God just tell us the world was round? Why do people kill others in the name of God? Could it be that it's all nonsense? And is there even a God? And why does the story change as one reads more into it and becomes more sophisticated in the teachings?

Why is it that the more I learn, the more unsure I become? And why is it that the people with the least knowledge are so sure of everything?

I have no idea

Healthcare. For me, just saying that word conjures up feelings of boredom, something that only old people with white/gray hair and wrinkles talk about and large confusing plans that make me feel dumb when I try to understand them.

Now, when I read my news in the morning it is a word tied to something real in that it is causing people to yell in these so called "town hall" meetings. I used to skip any article with the world healthcare in it as again my mind relegated it to the boring category but no longer. Instead, it is now relegated to my ongoing American culture shock category which I thought had finally subsided but apparently resurges with vigor when least expected.

I suppose it would do well to get my small rant out of the way before I start on healthcare. My main problem is not about the merits of individual healthcare plans but actually is a bit of culture shock in how people are going about it. In every news article it would seem that people are YELLING to get their views across. Further, their sentences begin with "I want" or "I don't want." Perhaps it is the Japanese influence in me that YELLS OUT (pun intended) "What arrogance, what selfishness!" Again, the American public is not public at all but instead a large grouping of individuals that all want something and believe they should all be mollified because their wants and desires are more important than anything else. They have been raised to think they deserve and expect anything and everything that their mind tells them they want.

Every sentence starts with "I."
- I want
- I think
- I believe
- I need

AND IT NEVER ENDS!!!! " I WANT (AD INFINITUM!!!!)

This really makes the Japanese portion of my brain really ashamed of my culture. It's all ME ME ME instead of the simple and harmonious "We."

In the Japanese culture the desires of the group trumps the desires of the individual. In greater Asian culture it is better to have a harmonious society and to run around yelling "I want" is reserved for the spoiled 2 year old. Therefore, when my Japanese side gets the better of me, these people yelling about healthcare are seen to be acting as children expecting everyone to jump, should they yell and scream. Throw a tantrum why don't you!

Secondly, they YELL when saying they want or don't want something like the spoiled child. Perhaps we should examine what they expect to gain by yelling. The logic (of the spoiled 2 year old) is that should I raise my voice it expresses that I really feel strongly about the "want, not want" and seeing as I'm so important and the world revolves around me everyone should stop what they are doing and come pacify me because my feelings are the most important thing in the universe.

Unfortunately, as a strategy, I cannot recall even one instance when yelling helped me win and argument in ANYTHING! It actually serves no purpose and only shows that I am not in control of my emotions. This is something expected from children but not from grown adults! As I have posted before, when I was a child I really respected adults on the simple reason that they were older and were supposed to be wise. I cannot tell you how disappointed it makes me to see so many adults running around like spoiled 2 year old children who cannot control their emotions, WANT everything and not be able to control their feelings.

END RANT

As for Healthcare, I did discover a few articles that calmly point out the facts and do not try to hype up every single detail, get people in a tizzy á la Fox News, and tell outright lies such as the so called "Death Panel" such as Sara Palin.

It would seem that most people believe that everyone should have access to Healthcare but differ on how to go about it. The main points against the public option are that we do not have a way to pay for it and many people dislike big government which is fair enough.

So instead of debating the issue point by point I'll simply relate my own experience to American Healthcare which has been very poor at best. Let's start in Vietnam.

In Vietnam I had no healthcare. When I got sick and by sick I mean bugs that do not go away without my friend Cipro and a white chalky substance to drive out the worms, I would simply go to the doctor, pay out of pocket which was about $50 and be done with it. The only time a healthcare plan was needed was if you fell off your motorbike, smashed your head and had to be helicoptered to Bangkok. That ordeal would run about $120,000 and thus you would be in serious trouble if you did not have insurance. Everything else could be covered at a reasonable price.

Then I come back to America, enroll in the employer healthcare and am presented with a large volume of options, plans and so on which caused me much distress on being very hard to understand. To drive the point home, I spent the last 10 years studying languages and here is something I could not really grasp in my own native language!!!

In-Network, out of network, co-pay, deductable, tax-free health savings plans, and notes to refer to some other page to determine exact coverage which would then in turn direct me to yet another page and so on. I still have a very faint idea as to what is covered, how much I actually have to pay and the benefit of them taking money out of my paycheck vs. how much I would have to pay if "something goes wrong." The old scare tactic is loved here in America.

Returning to America was the first time I actually had to think about doctors and healthcare. In Ohio, we always had the family doctor, what he said goes and trust was no issue. Now that I had to do it alone, I just chose one closest to me. My first experience at the doctors here in San Francisco was not much fun. I needed a doctors note for work because I had the flu for three days, missed work and a note was required. The doctor listens to my heart, checks weight and blah blah blah then charges me $150 and tells me to come back for the results and then charges another $150!!!!! WTF!!!! No wonder healthcare causes so much consternation,, it's DAMN expensive in this country!!! The quality also sucked so I don't see how American healthcare is so much better for normal sicknesses. They do have sweet machines and great doctors should I need a heart transplant or something like that but for common problems the quality is on par with poor countries.

It is now time for a physical and to be honest I'm almost scared to go. I read the manual and it appears my insurance covers it but I almost expect a call from the insurance company telling me something about my doctor not being "in-network" or something or other isn't covered and other nonsense. Besides, every other physical has gone something like this, "You're fine, please pay $200 and come back tomorrow so you can pay another $200.

Honestly, I hate hospitals and doctors offices because they creep me out. Further, should I get sick, my Campbell's Chicken Noodle has always been a good cure. In fact, I do get the flu on a yearly basis but have never felt the need to go see a doctor about it. Other than that, I do not get sick!!!

Yet, being back here in America and after reading the news it would seem that it is a nation of sickly people who are all on medication for every conceivable ailment or not. They take drugs for every single human feeling and the advertisements for drugs show happy people running in the surf and sh*t. (sorry for the vulgarity but had to be expressed that way.) It would seem the entire nation is on drugs.

So my advice is to quit getting sick and only opt for a light emergency healthcare plan. End of story. The doctor is not like your barber and you only need to see him every 1 to 2 years at most. Go to the gym and quit eating hamburgers and doughnuts. Well, you don't have to quit completely as I like pizza and beer but get to the gym and sweat it out the next day.

But alas, here we are, a bunch of sickly people acting like 2 year olds, yelling and saying they don't want the USA to turn into Russia and are mad about "Death Panels," which do not exist. To be fair, this is not a liberal/conservative thing really. I would imagine most sensible conservatives are more concerned about money/big government even though it is tempting to paint them as uncaring, Jesus-freaks driving around in SUVs and carrying guns. But that I will not do. I will not call them "knuckle-draggers" either. This criticism is only in regards to those yelling at "town hall" meetings.

Therefore, to those that are sick and need help, I will be happy to lend you a hand in the form of taxes. BUT please do not go too often, get to the gym and quit eating doughnuts. To those that are sick and do not need help nor want to extend it to others, I hope you give yourselves and aneurysm by all your yelling, die and get out of the gene pool.